General Wackiness
General WackinessWacky, witty and just plain weird messages to brighten up your day and befuddle and confound those around you.Click on any of the designs shown below to see that design on a wide variety of apparel and other merchandise, such a t-shirts, Coffee Mugs, bumper stickers, calendars, hats, etc. |
Sax & Violins They say there's too much sex and violence on TV, in the movies and in every aspect of our daily lives. And they're probably right. But there's not nearly enough sax and violins! |
I'll Be Bach! If 'The Terminator' was about famous classical composers instead of time traveling cyborgs, maybe instead of 'I'll Be Back' Arnold would've said 'I'll Be Bach... and you can be Beethoven!' |
Theory of Musicality Most people are familiar with Einstein's famous "Theory of Relativity." Less famous, though equally as important, is Einstein's "Theory of Musicality" and his equation that E is equal to F flat. |
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Grammar Peeves Presenting the Top 10 Grammar Peeves! Whether you are an English teacher, student or just lover, now you can join the fight to educate the unwashed masses. Grammar Police unite! |
Grammar Police Welcome to the Grammar Police Force! Here's your official badge for all the world to see. Wear it with pride and go forth to educate and correct the unwashed masses. |
Grammar Police (2) Does poor grammar drive you insane? Do you already have your official Grammar Police badge? Well, now you can have some official Grammar Police Tape to go with it! |
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Grammer Police The perfect design for members of the Grammar Police who still have enough sense of humor to laugh at themselves. Because nobody said the Grammar Police also had to be perfect spellers... |
Spelling Police Welcome to the Spelling Police Force! Here's your official badge for all the world to see. Wear it with pride and go forth to educate and correct the unwashed masses. |
I'm Loosing My mind! Tired of people constantly confusing "lose" and "loose"? Use this hillarious shirt to point out that the word they keep using does not mean what they think it means... |
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Punctuation Don't you hate it when people post messages completely devoid of punctuation? Let them know there's plenty to go around and they can borrow some of yours.... |
Loosers! Do you hate it when people mix up the words lose and loose? Why fight it? This tongue-in-cheek design announces to the worlds that spelling is for loosers! |
Studies Show... I'm a big fan of the scientific method, but the only study I really believe is the one that shows people are much more willing to believe just about anything if you preface it with "studies show..." |
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Statistics The great thing about statistics is that you can pull them out of thin air and use them to support whatever ridiculous premise you want to prove. |
Generic Designs Welcome to Generic Designs -- generic shirts, hats, Coffee Mugs, buttons, magnets, posters & bumper stickers. You know they're generic because they have a bar code and the word "GENERIC" printed on them... |
Nonconformity Ever notice how so many people who claim to be nonconformists seem to conform very closely to a specific notion of nonconformity shared by all the other "nonconformists" they know? |
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Last Nerve Some people are really annoying. They get on your nerves. Other people go way beyond annoying, though. They've been on your nerves for so long that you're down to your last one, and they're on it! |
Simplified Tax Form Taxes don't have to be complicated. The government just wants all the money you have left over every year, so why not just have a single, simplified tax form that's straightforward about it? |
Too Close! The perfect gift for an optometrist or anybody with a good sense of humor, this wacky eye chart spells out a very special message. If you can't read it, try getting a little closer.... |
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Like My Boobies? Do you like my boobies? Blue-footed boobies, of course, straight from the Galápagos Islands. Why -- what did you think I meant? |
Loading.... Please Wait If you're like me, it takes a little while before the morning cup of caffeine really takes hold, and until it does your brain is only partially loaded. |
We're Doomed! Every day we hear about a new potential disaster that could destroy us all, from global warming to asteroid collision to super volcanoes, etc.. So why worry? No matter what we do, we're DOOMED! |
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Me and Thee Ever get the feeling that the only people who aren't insane are you and perhaps your closest friends? And sometimes, you're not even quite sure about them. |
Curses! Whether you're a fan of fencing or just appreciate a good (or bad, as the case may be) pun, this design is for you. It features the symbol of a fencing man and the words, "Curses! Foiled Again". |
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Life is Fatal Not to be overly cynical, but despite all the talk about curing various diseases I can't help thinking that there's one particular condition which has a 100% mortality rate... |
You Are Here Here's a handy map of the solar system showing exactly where you are in relation to the other planets. Just in case you get lost, you know? |
Aliens It's important to try and understand alien cultures, but some things just can't be understood. After all, the thing about aliens is that they're just so, well, alien... |
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Two Types There are two types of people in the world -- those who divide people into two types, and those who don't. I'm in the latter group, personally. How about you? |
Three Types There are three types of people in the world -- those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder, "what happened?" |
10 Types As any computer geek worth his salt knows, there are 10 types of people in the world -- those who understand binary, and those who don't. |
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Illegitimi Here's a wonderful little pseudo Latin motto to live by: Illegitimi non carborundum ("don't let the bastards grind you down.") |
Tolstoy Everybody knows that famous Russian author Leo Tolstoy wrote "War and Peace." Wouldn't it be a hoot if somebody named Warren Pease wrote a biography of Leo Tolstoy? |
Cogito Ergo Spud Everybody knows that "Cogito Ergo Sum" means "I think therefore I am." Couch potatoes everywhere, however, are more familiar with "Cogito Ergo Spud" ("I think, therefore I yam"). |
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Golfers Have a Lot of Balls Golfers may not have a reputation for being particularly brave, courageous or gutsy, but nobody can deny that they certainly have a lot of balls! Makes the perfect gift for the duffer in your life. |
Sour Grapes Don't you hate it when people accuse you of just having sour grapes whenever you complain about anything? Well, just remember -- sour grapes make the best whine! |
Whole-Assed! Don't you hate it when people do a half-assed job or do something in a half-assed way? Well, this wacky and humorous design featuring a donkey lets the world know that you do everything whole-assed! |
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Flagpole You've heard it said, "'run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes," right? Well, I DID run it up the flagpole. Sadly, nobody saluted... |
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Madness This was lies madness. Or maybe it's that way. No, no -- it's definitely this way. All right, so maybe I'm a little crazy. You say that like it's a bad thing.... |
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Equation Whether you're really well-versed with the intricate mathematics of quantum field theory and particle physics or just want to pretend you are, this design lets you make others feel stupid.... |
World Domination As every evil super genius knows, there are certain things you just absolutely need if you're planning on world domination. And here's a checklist to help you remember it all! |
Time for Change! Ever notice how every politician claims that it's time for change and that they are the ones who can bring it? Well, I like change! Especially large bills, although quarters will do in a pinch... |
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It's Not The Guns Some folks say that guns don't kill people -- people kill people. With guns. But it's those little metal pointy things that are really to blame! |
Graduit Looking for a great gift for a recent graduate? This humorous design shows that all those years of study haven't gone to waste: "Four years ago I couldn't even SPELL graduit. And now I IS one!" |
Fan or Stalker (1)? In this age of celebrity worship, there's a fine line between merely being a devoted fan and a deranged stalker. Have you crossed the line? I guess that's for others to decide. |
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Fan or Stalker (2) In this age of celebrity worship, there's a fine line between merely being an extremely devoted fan and actually being a deranged stalker. Have you crossed the line? |
Mental Illness Studies show that 1 out of every 10 people suffer from some form of mental illness or another. So, take a look at your 9 closest friends and relatives. If they all seem normal... |
I Have No Idea Don't you hate it when people just blather on even though you don't have a clue what the heck they are saying? Now you can let them know that you have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. |
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Evil Laugh One thing every evil super genius needs is an evil laugh. Just make sure you take a deep breath, though. There's nothing worse than having to gasp for air right in the middle of a good evil laugh.... |
SBD Ninja All right, so you're feeling a wee bit gassy. Fortunately, your farts may stink to high heaven, but nobody can hear them. You're officially silent but deadly. Just like a ninja.... |
Technical Difficulties Don't you hate it when you buy a shirt (or a mug or a poster) and the text goes on the fritz just as you're about to show it off? I guess all you can do is please stand by.... |
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Out of My Mind Yes, it's true -- I'm completely out of my mind. Don't worry, though -- I'll be back in five minutes.... |
Pickles? I've often heard it said that, when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade. Well, that's great, but what if life hands you pickles instead? |
Life Isn't Fair Tired of people around you always complaining how their life sucks, how they don't get what they deserve and how they never get any lucky breaks? Well, give them a news flash: life isn't fair! |
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Kingdom You know what they say -- in the kingdom of the blind, the one-armed man is as busy as a one-legged paper hanger in an ass-kicking contest. Or something like that... |
Best Things Are Free* They say the best things in life are free. As this humorous and wacky design points out, however, nothing in life is ever totally free, and it's important to always read the fine print. |
Fine Line They say there's a fine line between genius and madness. I think i just crossed over, but I'm not sure which direction.... |
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awwwww, crap... Ever have one of those days when nothing seems to go your way and it's just one minor disaster after another? After awhile, all that's left to say is, "awwwww, crap..." |
Gene Pool Not to be elitist or anything, but there are some people that just should not reproduce. If you're gonna pee in the gene pool, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. |
Pet Peeve I always hear people talking about their pet peeves, and yet nobody ever shows me a picture of them. I mean, I see their pet dogs, their pet cats, even their pet hamsters, but never their pet peeve. |
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Cat Walking Are you a cat owner whose favorite feline figuratively and literally walks all over you? Don't be ashamed! Tell the world you love to be owned by your cat! |
Dog Walking Are you a dog owner whose favorite canine figuratively and literally walks all over you? Don't be ashamed! Tell the world you love to be owned by your dog! |
Ferret Walking Are you a ferret owner whose favorite furry friend figuratively and literally walks all over you? Don't be ashamed! Tell the world you love to be owned by your ferret! |
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Humility Being humble can take a lot of effort, so be sure to let everybody know just humble you are. After all, shouldn't you be proud about being the world's most humble person? |
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Save the Whales 2 Save the whales! Trade them with your friends! So far I've got the Blue Whale, the Gray Whale, the Humpback Whale and the Orca... |
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Free Political Prisoners Free political prisoners! That's right, absolutely free! Well, in specially marked packages, that is.... |
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Whip It Well So, what do you do if you're a huge fan of 80's rock groups like DEVO but also a confirmed grammar nerd? Now you can point out that it should be "whip it well" instead of "whip it good." |
Proper Word Choice Proper word choice is as important as good spelling and grammar. My wife wasn't too happy when I told her she looked absolutely ravished in her new dress. I mean ravenous. No, wait -- ravishing! |
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No Mondays If you're like me, your mood is determined by how far away the current day is from Monday. This goes way beyond simply looking forward to Friday. In fact, I think Mondays should be abolished. |
I Don't Do Mondays If you're like me, your mood is determined by how far away the current day is from Monday. This goes way beyond simply looking forward to Friday. In fact, truth be told, I just don't do Mondays.... |
Not Monday My mood is determined by how far away the current day is from Monday. So, no matter how bad the rest of my week is going, I can always look on the bright side that at least it's not Monday. |
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Tall Midget Tired of being average? Ever wish that there was something you could truly be the best at? Well, you're in luck! Now you can proudly announce that you are officially the world's tallest midget.... |
Short Giant Tired of being average? Ever wish that there was something you could truly be the best at? Well, you're in luck! Now you can proudly announce that you are officially the world's shortest giant.... |
Future Schlock This isn't the way the future was supposed to be! Where are the flying cars, the jet packs, the moon base, the intelligent robots, and all the rest that was promised by the year 2000? |
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Steenkin' Badgers Fans of "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre" will recall the classic line about not needing no stinking badges. Badges don't stink! Now, badgers -- they stink the place up something awful! |
Mind in Gutter All right, I know what you're thinking. Sheesh! Why don't you get your dirty, filthy mind out of the gutter (so mine can pass by, of course...) |
IQ Test So, anyway, the other day I finally decided to go and take an IQ test. I just got the results back, and they were negative. Er, that's a good thing, right? |
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Objects in Shirt 1 Objects in shirt are closer than they appear. I'm not really sure what this means, to be honest, but it's guaranteed to cause a few double-takes as you walk down the street. |
Objects in Shirt 2 Maybe you can't always wear form-fitting outfits that show off your natural assets to their best advantage. Let the world know that objects in your shirt are bigger than they appear.... |
Objects in Shirt 3 If you've got it, flaunt it. In this world of Wonder Bras and other "enhanced cleavage devices", now you can let the world know that, yes, objects in your shirt really are as nice as they appear. |
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G.I.G.O. 1 Remember when computers operated according to the simple principle of "Garbage In, Garbage Out"? That was before computers became self-aware and took over the world, of course.... |
G.I.G.O. 2 Remember when computers operated according to the simple principle of "Garbage In, Garbage Out"? That was before computers became self-aware and took over the world, of course.... |
Caffeine Monkey All right, it's true -- I've got a monkey on my back, and its name is caffeine. For years I said I could give it up whenever I wanted, but I've got a serious addiction going here.... |
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Chocolate Monkey All right, it's true -- I've got a monkey on my back, and its name is chocolate. For years I said I could give it up whenever I wanted, but I've got a serious addiction going here.... |
heart spade club Do you "heart" (love) your dog? Have you "spade" (spayed) your cat? Please don't tell me you also "club" baby seals! |
Dragons 1 In ancient times, mapmakers put "here be dragons" on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
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Dragons 2 In ancient times, mapmakers put "hic sunt dracones" (here be dragons) on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
Dragons 3 In ancient times, mapmakers put "here be dragons" on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
Dragons 4 In ancient times, mapmakers put "hic sunt dracones" (here be dragons) on parts of the world that were uncharted, indicating the mysterious and dangerous things that might possibly be found there. |
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Big Cat What's the point of having a dog so small it can fit in your purse and has to be carried everywhere? All I know is, my cat is bigger than your dog, and that's just WRONG! |
My Brother You know the old saying, "If it's not one thing, it's another"? Well, in my family, if it's not one thing, it's usually my brother who's responsible for the mess.... |
Love of Pi Some people might say they love you like a fat kid loves cake. As for me, I love you like a fat mathematician loves pi.... |
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I Broke the Internet Don't you hate it when you keep getting "HTTP 404" errors telling you that a web page can't be found? They tell you it's not your fault, but you know deep in your heart that you broke the Internet... |
Staff Here's the standard "staff" shirt with a musical twist, perfect for anybody working at a concert or other type of musical performance. It features a standard musical staff with a G Clef. |
Specialist A "Specialist" is (or should be) defined as someone who learns more and more about less and less until he (or she) knows absolutely everything there is to know about nothing whatsoever. |
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Not Addicted All right, so you drink 10 cups of coffee a day and can't live without it. Does that mean you're addicted? Heck, no! Maybe you just suffer from caffeine-deficient blood.... |
Get a Dog Telling everybody to please just get along doesn't seem to be working, so how about we all just get a dog? You know, one of those big friendly ones that slobbers all over the place.... |
Get a Lawn The world is a scary place sometimes. Telling everybody to please just get along doesn't seem to be working, so how about we all just get a lawn instead? |
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Not Lazy Some say that the Law of Conservation of Energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. Personally, I think it just means I'm required to conserve energy.... |
Popularity I've always said that life is not a popularity contest. Of course, I'd probably feel different if I were actually, you know, popular... |
Exaggeration 'If I've told you once, I've told you a billion times -- DON'T EXAGGERATE!' Sound like somebody you know (your mother or father, perhaps)? Well, now you can give them this wacky, light-hearted design |
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It Could Be Worse... Another design inspired by my father who, whenever anybody complained about anything, loved to point out that it could always be worse. It could have happened to him! |
Mistaken Here's another design inspired by my father, who just always had to be right about everything. In fact, as he liked to point out, he thought he made a mistake once, but he was wrong. |
Always Right There are two important rules. Rule #1 is that the wearer of this shirt is always right. Rule #2 is that, in the event that the wearer is actually wrong, you should refer back to rule #1. |
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Baby on Board All right, you don't have to be a surfer to appreciate my own little take on the classic "Baby on Board" sign -- perfect as a maternity shirt or as a gift for anybody with a sense of the absurd. |
Cruciverbalist If you're a fan of crossword puzzles or know somebody who is, you may or may not know that the word "cruciverbalist" is the technical term for somebody who does them. |
Hell in a Handbasket Yes, it's true. We're going to Hell in a handbasket. In fact, there's the exit to Hell up ahead.... |
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Needless to Say... Have you ever noticed that people always say, "needless to say" and then go ahead and say it anyway? Well, when people ask you what's needless to say, you can reply that you don't need to tell them... |
Oncoming Train They say no matter how dark it may seem, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. What they don't tell you is that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is just the oncoming train.... |
Older & Faster All right, I'll admit it -- as I grow older, the stories I tell about when I was younger seem to get better with each telling. And when it comes to my driving habits, the older I get the faster I was. |
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Phenylalanine As seen on diet soda labels everywhere, this design warns Phenylketonurics (people suffering from PKU) that you contain the essential amino acid phenylalanine and should not be eaten. |
Broken Clock They say that even a broken clock tells the correct time twice a day, meaning that everybody has a chance of being right some time. Sadly, some people are more like broken digital clocks.... |
Aging Gracefully Sure, people tell you that you are aging gracefully, that with maturity comes great wisdom, or that, like fine wine or fine cheese, you're getting better with age. But we all know it's a crock, right? |
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Missed Me! What a narrow escape! There I was, walking down the street and minding my own business, when a couple of thugs unloaded their clips right at me! Fortunately, they only managed to hit my shirt.... |
Good Farmer 1 How can you tell a good farmer? It's easy! He's outstanding (out standing) in his field... |
Good Farmer 2 How can you tell a good farmer? It's easy! She's outstanding (out standing) in her field... |
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Old School Gamer Are you an Old School Gamer? Show the world you could teach kids today a thing or two about real gaming, the way we did things back in the 80s. |
Undo Button In this wonderful age of techology, when just about everything comes with a computer chip embedded inside, I can't keep wondering why life itself can't come with an undo button? |
Junk Expands The lesser known fourth Law of Thermodynamics states that "Junk expands to fill available space." You don't need to be a physicist to understand this one. |
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Redundancy My own version of the old "Department of Redundancy Department" joke, printed as a nice little name plaque. |
No Stupid Questions As my old boss used to say to me every day, there's no such thing as a stupid question -- only stupid people who ask them. |
Peasants The peasants are revolting! Seriously -- would it kill them to take a shower once in awhile? I mean, phew! They stink! |
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Not an Actor Want to make friends, family and complete strangers do a double-take? Then proudly announce that, while you may not actually be an actor, you do play one on TV.... |
Save a Carrot! My vegetarian friends are always talking about how animals have feelings and that I should feel bad about eating them. Well, what about the vegetables' feelings? Save a carrot, eat a cow! |
Eat More Meat! My vegetarian friends are always talking about how animals have feelings and that I should feel bad about eating them. Well, what about the vegetables' feelings? |
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I'm Responsible Do you tend to cause a lot of problems at work, school or home? Look on the bright side -- at least you can honestly say you are a very responsible person.... |
In Soviet Russia... Remember the 1980s? Remember Yakov Smirnoff and his jokes about Soviet Russia? Well, in America you might wear this shirt, but in Soviet Russia this shirt wears you! |
Astrology Is Bunk! Tell the world that you think that astrology is pure bunk! Of course, that's only because people born under your particular sign are naturally skeptical.... |
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Placebo Effect Patients given a placebo (usually a sugar pill) often get better, and this is attributed to positive mental attitude. What if it's just because sugar pills can cure most diseases? |
Who Is Victor? I keep hearing the expression, "To the Victor go the spoils." I just want to know, though, who this guy Victor is and why gets all the spoils.... |
Emergency Broadcasting System If you grew up in the U.S. during the 1960s, 70s or 80s, you probably remember your Saturday morning cartoons being periodically interrupted by a test alert from the Emergency Broadcasting System. |
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Who Is Will? In just about every war scene, whether it be in the movies, on TV, or in a book, somebody always shouts, "Fire at Will!" Well, I just want to know who Will is and why everybody is firing at him.... |
I Put the Bomp Fans of 60s music will remember the song that asked, "Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?" Now you can tell the world that it was you! |
I Put the Ram Fans of 60s music will remember the song that asked, "Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?" Now you can tell the world that it was you! |
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I Put the Bop Fans of 60s music will remember the song that asked, "Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?" Now you can tell the world that it was you! |
Poker??? Poker, poker, poker! It's everywhere you go and everybody is talking about it. Everyone except you, of course. After all, it's just a card game.... |
Soccer??? Whether you're a soccer fan/player with a sense of humor or just want to show the world you don't get what all the fuss is about, this design is for you! |
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Butter??? Fans of dumb humor will appreciate this wacky and silly design. See how many people have to say it aloud before they get the joke. Low brow? Of course! It's still funny, though.... |
I Love Honkus Instead of honking if you love Jesus, why not jeez If you love Honkus? Who is Honkus and why should you jeez if you love him? I really don't know, but I love him anyway! |
Jeez If You Love Honkus Not much to say about this one, other than the fact that it's an old joke that makes me crack up whenever I think about it. Why honk if you love Jesus when you can jeez if you love Honkus? |
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Honkus Is My Co-Pilot Sure you can honk if you love Jesus, but why not jeez if you love Honkus instead? I'm not sure exactly who Honkus is, but I sure do love him. In fact, Honkus is my co-pilot! |
Disclaimer Why must every single product include a mile-long disclaimer either admitting that the product won't actually do what the ad just told you it would do, or warning that it might actually kill you? |
Earth Revolves Who cares what other people think? Deep down, you know you're the most important person on the planet. Because, as a matter of fact, the Earth DOES revolve around you! |
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Exception If there's an exception to every rule, then wouldn't this rule also have an exception to it? But if so, then the rule wouldn't be true and some rule wouldn't have an exception to it after all. |
Further Ado Everyone always says, ""without further ado" when introducing someone or something. What if I want further ado? It's unfair, I tell you! |
Giddy Schoolgirl Sure, you're a manly macho man -- rough, tough and extremely gruff. That doesn't mean that you still can't feel as giddy as a little schoolgirl every once in awhile.... |
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I'm not old! Old is such an ugly word! Why not "Experienced", "Mature", "Seasoned", "Golden Aged", "Worldly" or even "Chronologically Advanced"? |
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No Intolerance! We can fight disease, hunger and natural disasters, but only if we can put aside our differences and work together. So remember -- intolerance will not be tolerated! Er, wait.... |
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